In the dating world, being "too forward" generally means trying to advance a relationship at a pace that is too fast for comfort; being too confident and direct in what is said, to a point that may not be socially acceptable. The general remedy in the dating world, then, is to "take it slow" and allow the relationship to build trust before trying to advance a relationship to the next stage. Of course, building a trusting relationship is not unique to the dating world; many of the exact same dynamics apply in building the planner-client relationship. Yet in practice, because financial planning relationships must move to an implementation stage after “relatively” few meetings, planners often must be very forward during the sensitive relationship-building phase. But how far is too far? Have you been asking your clients to get naked on the first date?
For instance, it is fairly standard practice for prospective clients to be asked to bring all of their financial information – their “data” – to one of the early planner-client meetings (and many planners outright require clients to bring their information to the introductory meeting). From the planner’s perspective, this is simply an efficient business practice; if you’re going to determine if the prospective client is a good fit for your practice and whether it’s someone you can serve, you need to see the information to understand what the client’s needs and goals are so you can cut to the chase, right?
But imagine for a moment what this feels like from the client’s perspective? There are few things in life we are more uncomfortable exposing and sharing than our deep dark secrets and sins about money; in some studies, money is even more of a taboo subject than sex, religion, or politics. Yet what do we as planners do? We literally tell clients they must expose all of their assets to us at the first meeting, so we can judge whether they’re worthy of being a client or whether we will reject them!!
To say the least, if you asked your date to expose all of his/her “assets” on the first date so you could judge whether the relationship was likely to be a long-term fit, you’d probably bring an end to the date right there! If you told your prospective date up front that this was your standard process for any prospective relationship, not only would you probably not get the date in the first place, but it’s highly likely that he/she isn’t going to be recommending you as a good relationship material to his/her friends, either!
Could this be a reason why financial planners struggle to get clients to agree to meet in the first place, and why clients are often so hesitant to refer their friends and family to us? Are we being too forward, in asking our gets to get (financially) naked with us on the first date, exposing their assets to be judged for worthiness, and risking personal rejection? Could our clients and prospects be sabotaging the initial planning process, afraid (consciously or subconsciously) of being judged unworthy and rejected… or worse, dealing with the further social awkwardness of referring a friend or family member who is deemed unworthy and rejected?
So what do you think? Are we doing the equivalent of asking our clients to get naked on the first date? Is it possible we’re making them feel judged and fear rejection? Could this be hindering our progress in bringing financial planning to more people in need? Is there anything you do to ease this part of the process for the client?
Indeed, I've heard this response from many planners. I have to wonder, though, if there isn't a powerful self-selection process at work.
Strictly speaking, my concern is not the clients we see in our office. It's the other hundred million or more who don't/won't work with a planner.
In other words, I think this effect may actually be so powerful, that the mere thought and fear of it (given the expectations we set for the initial meeting) drives a large number of prospects away from financial planning before you ever have a chance to meet with them in the first place.
The clients we all have are not necessarily a representative sample of the average prospective POTENTIAL client.
- Michael
I could relate pretty much to what you say, specifically so in the context of my country and its citizens - India..
People here do not want to reveal their financial assets in the first meeting.. In fact, it takes about 4-5 meetings for us to get to the stage where clients are comfortable in discussing about their financial assets [Most of them do not reveal fully]. Till then, we need to build trust and as you said 'date' them gradually so that they open up..
All the more so, when we have a parallel economy equivalent to 50% of our GDP!..
You know what I mean..
I guess the feeling is universal. I always used to wonder as to how could one expect clients to open up the first time with their financial data. Why should they? They don't know you enough to trust you with the confidential data and you as a financial planner will take a call on the first date as to whether they are the right fit for you or not..
Of course, I believe a different approach like 'Financial Life Planning'model with a differentiated discovery process would cut the number of 'dating' sessions and would help to get their financial picture and sign up. Because they see value in the way the Financial Life Planners approach and relate to clients.. I have just started on this journey and am really finding it extremely rewarding not only with prospective clients but also with old clients and hope to have better conversions in terms of sign ups with more potential clients and 100% renewals with old clients year on year..
Most importantly, add value to clients by putting 'life' back into their lives and help achieve their dreams over a period of time..
Nice article. You don't know some of the women I have met...
Sincerely,
Joe.
Interesting article, Socrates supposedly once said, "what people want is to be understood". Unfortunately most advisor's process to gather information is data driven versus discovery driven, in other words understand your client before the numbers! Can you imagine meeting with Bill Gates and asking for a summary of his assets and liabilities along with a quick list of goals? Really?
Knowing a client's Financial DNA will assist in creating an understanding of a client's learned behavior versus their natural behavior. Just think, having an in depth discussion with your client will provide a clear understanding of what they are really all about!