A 3-Meeting Framework To Vet And Establish Productive COI Relationships

In my early days as a financial advisor, my income largely relied on my ability to bring in business. I was doing every bit of prospecting I could – calling connections and friends, knocking on doors, meeting prospects for lunch – anything I could think of to build a business. And like many advisors in the same spot, I had a hard time reliably finding prospects, let alone converting them into clients.

As I observed and researched other successful firms and advisors, I noticed a common thread: Referral marketing and seminars were still core components of organic growth. The most established advisors weren't just passively waiting for clients to come in – they had built systems that leveraged their existing relationships to generate a steady flow of new business.

Laying The Groundwork: Building A Strategy For COI Relationships

That realization led me to rethink my entire marketing strategy—and to focus more intentionally on building high-quality relationships with Centers of Influence (COIs). Client referrals were undeniably important. But as a newer advisor, I quickly realized that I needed more clients before I could rely on them as a primary source of referrals. I needed a more immediate and scalable way to generate high-quality introductions.

That's when I started paying closer attention to referrals from COIs. The concept made complete sense: Find several professionals who already have trusted relationships with many of the same type of clients I wanted to serve and build a referral relationship with them. I valued that this approach wasn't just about business development – it was also about improving the client experience and empowering another professional growing their own business. I thought that if I could align myself with accountants, estate attorneys, and other professionals who shared my values, we could all be wildly successful – while supporting our clients in an even deeper and more meaningful way!

For me, this strategy checked all the boxes. Unlike other marketing efforts that required significant financial investment, COI relationships had a relatively low monetary cost – though they did require time (and yes, my time has an hourly rate) and effort to cultivate. More importantly, this approach felt authentic to who I was. I thrive on building meaningful relationships, collaborating with others, and finding ways to add value. And once these relationships were established, I could see how the flywheel effect would take hold, allowing referrals to flow more naturally over time.

From that point on, I decided to go all in on COI partnerships as my primary marketing strategy. And as I built these relationships, I quickly saw the impact – not just in business growth, but in the quality of the conversations I was having, the caliber of clients I was bringing in, and the confidence I felt in the long-term sustainability of my career and practice.

The Similarities Between Prospecting For Clients And COIs

When I looked at others using COI relationships productively, I realized it was a lot like client prospecting. First, there's the challenge of getting into the right room to find viable prospects. Then, even when the setting is right, prospecting for COIs is still a game of numbers. Even if the COI works with the right type of prospects for the firm, many other factors still have to align to get things started – including a willingness and the availability to actually take action.

When I first started with COI marketing, I didn't have a clear process for success. The potential COI and I would meet for lunch, spend an hour making small talk or chatting about our businesses, and then – in the last five minutes – someone would say, "Okay, we should really do business together. If you send me a client, I'll send you a client." It was a surface-level commitment, and it yielded surface-level results. We would both go back to our busy desks, then meet up again in six months and essentially repeat the same process.

If I had used this same process with a prospective client, I wouldn't have been surprised if little came of it. Just as I needed to develop a sales framework for clients, I also needed to develop a process to evaluate and 'convert' prospective COIs.

Of course, to build that COI prospecting process, I first needed to be introduced to the right COIs. But that raised even more questions. Where would I start? What defines a high-value COI? What traits make them a strong partner? And once the ideal COIs are identified, how does one actually go about finding and connecting with them?

Beyond the initial introduction, I also needed a way to evaluate whether their personality, values, and services aligned with mine. Were they someone I could trust? Did they have ongoing opportunities to refer clients to me – and vice versa? And ultimately, at what point would we both have enough confidence to establish a formal referral relationship?

Defining High-Value COIs

Similar to building an ideal client profile, I took time to define the key traits of a high-value COI. Some qualities that mattered most:

• Trusted Authority. They have deep expertise in their field and are a go-to resource for their clients. Their recommendations carry weight.
• Shared Ideal Client. They serve many of the same type of clients I do, ensuring referrals are relevant and valuable for both parties.
• Relationship-Oriented. They prioritize long-term, mutually beneficial relationships over transactional work, with both clients and professional partnerships.
• Proactive Communicator. They engage in ongoing conversations, share opportunities, and keep the relationship active rather than passive.
• Strong Reputation And Ethics. Their integrity and professional standards align with ours, ensuring that any referrals maintain trust and credibility.
• Growth-Oriented. They actively seek ways to improve their business, expand their client base, grow their network, and collaborate on opportunities.
• Reciprocity And Generosity. They understand that great referral relationships are two-way streets. They focus on forming a few reliable connections (a quality-over-quantity game) and send business to professional partners when there's a good fit.

Once I had a clear picture of what made a great COI, the next step was putting that knowledge into action – finding and building relationships with the right professionals.

Getting Into The Community

As I refined my process of finding viable COIs, I had to determine who to contact in the first place. Who would be a strong long-term partner? I used three strategies to build a list of COI names and firms I wanted to connect with:

1. Start With What's Already At My Fingertips. Our clients already had a network of professionals, so I used their planning documents to build a list of potential COIs. I reviewed tax returns for CPAs, estate plans for attorneys, business documents for other legal professionals, and bank or insurance statements for key advisors. In client meetings, I took two steps:

• I shared with clients that I was looking to collaborate with other trusted advisors to better serve them.
• I asked, "I see you work with [CPA/attorney]. How has your experience been? Would you be open to introducing us – or would it be okay if I mention we work together when I reach out to them directly?"

2. Ask The Most Powerful COI/Client Question. The easiest way to expand my COI network and add vetted professionals to my outreach list was simply to ask:

• "Who do you rely on for important financial, business, or life decisions?" (for clients)
• "Who are your most important professional partnerships, and why?" (for COIs)

Every time I ask these questions, I gain valuable insight. It often affirms our role in their trusted circle and, more often than not, leads to introductions to other professionals they respect. These conversations create natural openings for deeper and better COI connections.

3. Leverage Your Niche. I focus on our firm's niche – retirees and business owners – and show up in the places where professionals serving that niche gather. Whether at industry events, mastermind groups, or networking forums, showing up consistently helps position me as a key player in the space. From there, I use the same strategy:

• Connect one-on-one with people from these groups.
• Move those conversations into additional meetings and ask the same key question from step #2 to uncover more connections.
• Request introductions to professionals who could help clients – or whom I could support in return.

When done right, this approach keeps the calendar full. The advisor's name will start circulating organically and attract the right people. By combining these three strategies, I built a strong COI network that became the foundation of my business growth.

After identifying and connecting with potential COIs, I realized that having a consistent and thoughtful process was essential for vetting relationships and setting the foundation for long-term collaboration. I didn't want surface-level contact – I wanted true partners.

The Three-Meeting COI Prospecting Process

To create space for genuine connection, thoughtful evaluation, and meaningful alignment, I developed a three-meeting framework that helps structure the early stages of a COI relationship. Each meeting has a clear purpose, and together they offer a path for turning a promising introduction into a productive, trust-based referral relationship.

The following outlines provide sample agendas that can help guide each of the three COI meetings. These aren't scripts or templates to send out in advance; rather, they're offered as tools to help orient advisors to the structure and flow of the full process. Each meeting builds on the last – starting with rapport and early fit, then moving toward deeper exploration of mutual value and long-term collaboration.

Meeting One: Relationship Building And COI Assessment

Meeting One is an introductory conversation with any COI who shows potential to be a valuable resource for our clients and our business. The primary goal of this meeting is to connect and evaluate if there is a potential fit.

Part of this meeting involves exploring connection – whether there's a natural fit, both personally and professionally. Do I like this person? Would l enjoy working with them? Do I align with their mission and their "why"?

These early impressions often reveal whether a deeper, values-aligned partnership is worth pursuing.

Meeting One Agenda

We start with personal introductions because this is relationship-based marketing. Jumping right into business doesn't bond us or build trust. I want to get to know them and explore if we connect and share any common ground.

Personal Introduction Questions

• Tell me about your background and family.
• Any fun travel plans coming up this summer? (or) How were your holidays this past winter?

Since most firms only develop a handful of core COI partnerships, it's crucial to connect on a personal level. Just be careful not to get stuck in small talk during the entire meeting – make a polite transition to business when it feels natural.

The following questions give insight into the COI's "why" and overall business goals. Their responses can offer great insights into whether there is a mutual fit, how relational they are with clients, and how deeply they engage in their work.

Background Questions

• Tell me about your journey in business.
• Tell me more about your company.
• What inspired your passion for this work?
• What's your vision for your firm?

These next questions help determine whether there's an overlap in niche and whether our approaches to client care are aligned. It also gives clues about their communication style and expectations for client experience.

Importantly, it helps confirm that they're actually open to taking on new business. If everything else aligns but they aren't seeking new clients, they may be better suited as a good industry contact than a true referral partner.

Ideal Clients And Client Experience

• Are you currently looking to work with new clients?
• Who is your ideal client? Who do you do your best work with?
• What are your clients like?
• How often are you in touch with your clients?

Shared values and an interest in building meaningful professional relationships are just as important as sharing a client niche. The questions below help me learn what this COI values in partnerships, and can also reveal any potential red flags.

Working Professional Relationships

• Besides financial advisors, what other professional services do you work closely with?
• When choosing to work with certain professionals, what qualities do you look for?
• What has made your best professional relationships successful – and what hasn't?

This is also a good point in the conversation to share client case studies, mention the person who connected us, and ask for introductions to other professionals in their network.

If a COI already works with several financial advisors or sees advisors as a primary referral source, that can signal a lower likelihood of reciprocity. The following are some questions that explore the COI's relationships with financial advisors:

Financial Advisor Background

• Do you work with a financial advisor yourself?
• How many financial advisors do you currently work with?
• How has your experience been?
• Have you referred business to them or received referrals in return?

I'll usually dig deeper here if these things come up. I've also found that when someone has worked with a financial advisor, it's a good sign – they tend to better understand the value we offer and how to collaborate effectively!

Closing Meeting One

If it seems like there's potential for a long-term relationship, I'll usually say something like this at the end of the meeting:

I really enjoyed learning more about you and your practice/service/expertise today. I want to share that we take a different approach than many advisors with professional partnerships. Rather than having several surface-level relationships, we focus on developing deep, meaningful partnerships with a select few firms that align with our values. We prioritize collaboration – both in serving clients and in making introductions.

Does that align with how you approach professional partnerships?

And if the conversation continues in a positive direction, I'll add something like this:

Great! I'd love to have another meeting where we dive much deeper into client experience and the services we offer to make sure we can create the value we're both seeking.

How does that sound? Would now be a good time to look at calendars for a follow-up, or would you prefer I send some dates after I get back to the office?

If it doesn't seem like there's long-term potential, I aim to end the conversation on a warm note that leaves the door open:

Thank you for your time. I enjoyed getting to know you. If we can be a resource to you in any way, please don't hesitate to reach out.

Meeting Two: Understand Each Other's Services And Client Experiences

If the first meeting suggests a strong potential fit, I'll invite the COI to a second conversation. The goal of this meeting is to develop a deeper understanding of each other's services and client experience models, which helps us evaluate whether we're aligned in how we support clients.

Meeting Two Agenda

During this meeting, I evaluate whether the COI builds deep, ongoing relationships or operates with a more transactional model. A strong ongoing service model can signal a better long-term fit with our firm.

Client Experience Overview

• Best ways to make introductions:
  • How do you prefer to be introduced to potential clients?
  • Are there any introductions you would prefer not to receive?
• Client onboarding process:
  • Once we make an introduction, what typically happens next?
  • What can referrals expect in their first conversation with you?
  • If it's a good fit, what are the next steps? If not, how do you typically manage that?
• Ongoing services and monitoring
  • Do you tend to work with clients on an ongoing basis, or is the engagement more often project- or event-based?

In this part of the conversation, we're both diving deeper into how we interact with and serve our core clients and where we might complement each other. I'm especially looking for alignment in niche, values, and service philosophy.

Service Offerings

• Overview of services:
  • Tell me more about your service offerings.
  • What's your 'bread and butter'?
  • Are there any ancillary services you provide?
• Communication and education: Beyond your core offerings, how do you market, educate, or stay connected to your clients and network?
• Client profile:
  • Who are your ideal clients?
  • Can you describe what they're like?
• Specific niche or target markets:
  • Do you serve a specific industry or niche?
  • If so, what does that look like?
• Fees for service:
  • What are your typical fees?
  • How do you structure your pricing?

Closing Meeting Two

If the COI's services align with our clients' needs, they share our ideal client profile, and they've expressed a willingness to collaborate, I'll say something like this:

Thank you for taking the time to dive deeper and help me understand your services and the value you bring to clients. We want to ensure that, when we introduce our clients to other professionals, they have a seamless and high-value experience. I feel confident that our clients would benefit from working with you.

How do you feel about the services and value we provide? Do you see this as something that could benefit your clients? Any potential challenges you foresee?

If the conversation continues in a positive direction:

We'd love for you to be one of the select firms we work closely with to serve our clients. How do you feel about that?

If they express interest:

Great! I've found that the best way to build a successful partnership is to set clear expectations, align on goals, and create a structured plan for working together to help ensure a mutually beneficial relationship.

Would you be open to scheduling a meeting to outline those next steps?

If, on closer examination, it seems like the relationship isn't the right fit – because of either misalignment in services or lack of genuine interest – I try to communicate that clearly, but respectfully:

Thank you for your time and for sharing more about your services and ideal clients. It's very important to us that any professional partnership we engage in allows us to provide significant value to the other firm.

After learning more, I'm concerned that we may not be positioned to offer that value to you. I want to be respectful of your time and ensure you're building the relationships that serve your goals.

If someone in my network might be a better fit, I'll offer to make an introduction. Otherwise, I'll close with:

I would love to stay in touch, and if I can ever be a resource in any way, please don't hesitate to reach out.

Meeting Three: Commitment To A Working Relationship

By the time we reach the third meeting, the connection is already there – both parties have expressed interest, aligned on values, and see potential in the relationship. This final meeting is about getting on the same page: confirming shared goals, setting clear expectations, and establishing a clear process for the relationship going forward.

Rather than continuing to evaluate the relationship, this conversation focuses on formalizing it – discussing how referrals will be exchanged, how collaboration will unfold, and how we'll stay in regular communication to keep the relationship strong. During this conversation, I'm especially focused on whether we can contribute to each other's growth – or even support something significant in one another's lives.

Meeting Three Agenda

Growth Goals

I begin by asking about annual growth goals, such as the number of new households, business owner clients, or retiring clients the COI is hoping to serve — but I specifically stay away from revenue targets. Each partnership's revenue impact can vary greatly for both parties, and revenue isn't the purpose of the relationship. Of course, we understand that introductions to good clients will support revenue growth over time, but this conversation is more about identifying new opportunities, not hitting revenue benchmarks.

I also explore business development and marketing goals that relate to growth through professional partnerships. I ask:

• What are the primary ways you are focused on building your business this year?
• When it comes to professional partnerships, what percentage of your growth would you like to come from this strategy?
• How do you measure success in these partnerships – client introductions, speaking opportunities, or a blend of both?

When appropriate, I may also ask about personal goals. These questions can be a good way to build a deeper relationship, especially when meeting with someone who clearly values connection. I always like to learn what's most important in life or what personal goals someone may be working toward. If there is a meaningful way to personally uplift them, it's not only a strong point of connection – it may even have more weight than referrals that year, depending on what's going on in their life.

As with any professional relationship, we all come to a point — quarterly or annually — when we reflect on our focus areas and evaluate the ROI on time and strategy. It's important that our COI partnerships stand out in that reflection and continue to provide value.

Referral Introduction Process

This is where we revisit how introductions will actually happen in practice. It may feel a bit repetitive from Meeting Two, but in this meeting, the goal is to clearly confirm what was heard, build upon it, and ensure we understand exactly how they prefer to receive and make introductions. (If this info is already gathered in Meeting Two, a quick review can be helpful before moving forward.)

Questions include:

• What's the best way to introduce prospective clients to your firm?
• What do you need from me when introducing prospective clients to our firm?
• Once an introduction is made to us, what follow-up expectations do you have?

Lead Generation Expectations
At this point, we clarify mutual expectations. I typically do the following:

• Provide a brief recap of the COI's ideal client profile as a "just to confirm" moment);
• Discuss potential COI introductions and if they're looking to meet more professional partners this year – and, if so, who they're hoping to connect with;
• Share an estimated number of introductions or referrals we hope to exchange over the next 6–12 months; and
• Commit to engaging in the process together and regularly reviewing prospect and lead opportunities.

This is where we begin outlining measurable business development commitments – including how we'll navigate the process of working together and what other opportunities we might pursue (like speaking engagements, content sharing, or co-hosted events).

Ongoing Communication And Relationship Review

To close the conversation, we set expectations for communication and maintaining a long-term relationship:

• How we'll work together when serving shared clients;
• Best practices for maintaining a strong, responsive professional relationship; and
• A plan to meet quarterly (ideally in person) to review progress, share updates, and troubleshoot any issues.

This final step is about establishing a strong foundation for a healthy, productive, long-term relationship. It's new, and making time to review what's working – and what needs to be adjusted – helps build that foundation and keep that relationship thriving.

Closing Meeting Three

Most of the time, this meeting ends with a mutual commitment to the partnership. However, if hesitation remains – or if there's still concern about referring clients to the COI – it may not make sense to move forward. This is rare, but it can happen: Sometimes a COI isn't ready to commit, unexpected information arises, or something simply feels 'off' from what the advisor expected.

In that instance, again, it's better to be clear. I usually say something like:

I really appreciate your time and the insights you've shared about your services, ideal clients, and goals. Our intention in meeting was to explore whether there's a good foundation for a long-term partnership. At this point, I'm not sure that the fit is quite there to move forward in a meaningful way.

And close with one of two ways…

That said, I now have a better understanding of what you do, and if an opportunity comes up that aligns with your services, I'll certainly keep you in mind and make the connection.

Alternatively, if I know someone who might be a better fit for collaboration with the COI, I'll offer to make an introduction.

That said, I have a professional partner who may have great synergy with you and your services. I'd love to connect you both – I think it could be a fruitful relationship. Would you be open to an introduction?

If there is someone who would be a better fit, make an introduction. If not, I'll end the meeting with:

I'd love to stay in touch, and if I can be a resource in any way to you, please don't hesitate to reach out.

As mentioned, most of the time, this script isn't necessary – ideally, both parties leave this meeting feeling fully aligned on objectives and next steps. And to demonstrate commitment, I always try to be the first person to give a referral!

Evaluating The Relationship: Tracking Progress And Maintaining Alignment

Once both parties are in agreement and the relationship is underway, the focus shifts to keeping momentum strong. In addition to ongoing quarterly check-ins with the COI, it's helpful to conduct an internal review around the six-month mark to evaluate how the relationship is progressing.

At this point, there are essentially three possible outcomes:

1. The Relationship Exceeds Expectations. There are strong referrals, aligned communication, and shared excitement about continuing.
2. The Relationship Feels Neutral Or Stalled. There are some positive signals, but everyone is still assessing the relationship. The level of engagement or introductions that were originally envisioned has not yet been reached.
3. The Relationship Does Not Meet Expectations. There has been little or no activity, limited communication, or a lack of follow-through.

To guide the review, consider the following checklist:

Referral Activity

Introductions made to us by others:

• How many total introductions have been made?
• How many were qualified?
• Do they reflect the types of clients we enjoy working with?

Introductions we made to others:

• How many referrals have we provided?
• How many of those clients are actively working with them?
• What kind of feedback have we received from clients about the experience?

Relationship Assessment

• Are we still as excited about this relationship as we were at the start?
• Is communication strong – both between meetings and during introductions?
• Are we exploring new ways to collaborate?
• Are there concerns or challenges?
• Do we see this as a relationship that can thrive over the long term?

It's important to evaluate both the performance and the quality of the relationship. These COI partnerships can become core to a firm's long-term growth, which makes regular reflection and open dialogue essential.

Whether the COI is ahead of the curve or not meeting expectations, this feedback can – and frankly, should – be shared with them. This is a great way to ensure that everyone agrees on the process and is clear on mutual goals. If the collaboration is going well, express excitement and reinforce the long-term benefits of continuing to build the relationship.

If it's not meeting expectations, foster open communication by saying something like:>

I know we haven't met the expectations we set for this collaboration. How are you feeling about it? Should we meet to explore roadblocks and discuss how we can better support each other?

While the path from Meeting One to Meeting Three typically takes about one to two months, these mid-year and annual reviews help ensure partnerships remain intentional, mutually beneficial, and aligned for the long term.

Keeping COI Relationships Strong: Final Tips For Long-Term Success

As with most things in business development, success with COIs doesn't arise from a single perfect meeting – it's more about investing the time to build something that lasts. These are a few lessons I've learned that have helped me nurture and sustain COI relationships over the long term:

• Not all COIs will become long-term partners. Some connections may seem promising at first, but will lack the quantity of referrals or alignment needed for a strong, long-term partnership. That's OK! This is a numbers game – it takes patience and experience to find the handful of COIs who will become true collaborative partners.
• Strong relationships take time. These aren't 'three-meetings-and-done' connections. As trust deepens, the quantity and quality of referrals tend to increase naturally.
• Sending an agenda in advance helps set the tone. Sharing meeting expectations ahead of time creates a more focused and intentional conversation, allowing both parties to show up prepared.
• Clarity is key. Being explicit about what I was looking for in an ongoing COI relationship – rather than leaving it as unspoken subtext in a casual coffee chat – was a game changer in how I approached COI marketing.
• Being helpful early on can encourage reciprocity. When one party takes the initiative to support the other, it can open the door to a stronger mutual relationship over time.
• Visuals can make your services more concrete. Bringing materials that illustrate your services and processes can help COIs understand what it looks like to work with you – and how to communicate that to others.

---

Ultimately, COI relationships flourish when there's a shared commitment to collaboration, clarity, and long-term value. The most effective partnerships aren't built in a single conversation – they take shape over time. The three-meeting framework offers a practical structure to guide the process.

By using those early meetings to evaluate fit, set clear expectations, and establish ongoing engagements, advisors can focus on the few COIs who offer true alignment. And with consistency and intention, these relationships can benefit everyone involved – clients, COIs, and advisory firms alike!